Excavations of Claymore: The Long Islander

You know how Strong Bad calls beers "cold ones" so that kids watching Homestar Runner won't realize he's drinking alcohol? I feel like the Long Islander should be called a "hot one." Yeah, its name card specifically states that it contains no alcohol, and nor does it contain the coffee addict's drug. I just want to call it a "hot one" based on the name's resemblance to Long Island iced tea.


I can imagine myself walking down a busy New York street, drinking a Long Islander on my way to work in the morning. It has that NYC class, maybe even a hint of flair: a sophisticated sweet for the sophisticated New York sweetheart. And you're guaranteed to stand out for drinking it, which I hear is how they like it in New York: you're strolling around the coffee-guzzling capital of the world, yet the Long Islander hasn't got a drop of espresso to its name.

It's warm in flavor and temperature, which makes it a good choice for those yeah-it's-still-February-but-I-really-want-it-to-be-summer-blues nights. But I might actually recommend it even more in late fall. Autumn and chai are practically synonymous in my book.

Chai and tiramisu may sound like a complicated (and ritzy) blend, but it's actually quite simple. The sum total is sweet, with a spicy undertow and creamy froth. It's like someone took the J-Brands off steroids, which chilled it out to the point of being tolerable, but gave the kid a bucket of Halloween candy instead. I.e., this thing is still pretty hopped up on sugar, but if you're in the mood for rolling-on-the-floor-laughing company, maybe that's exactly what you want. Overall I give the Long Islander 3 stars.

And no worries if you're not a sophisticated New York sweetheart. The unsophisticated, catty Wisconsiner can most certainly enjoy a nice hot one.

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Several of you have asked me to try the Irish Dream. Michael, if you're reading, are you working this week at all? You're the only person I trust to make me drinks with Irish Creme, haha.

In the event that Michael is not working, let's hear everyone's votes for this week's Claymore selection!

Almond Joy
Caramello
Cherry Cordial
Coconut Island
Cooney-Cooney
English Challenge
Fiona's Wicked Minty Apple Cider
Irish Dream
Kyle Lincoln
Michelini
The Orange Real
The Perfect Cap
Platelet's Perfection
Prickly Cactus
Rasp-LIMErry Fizz (clearly NOT coffee)
The Shortstack Chai
Tarzan & Jane
Thrilla in Vanilla