Excavations of Claymore: J-Brands(?)

I think this week's drink is called the "J-Brands," but I can't be too sure that's what the card says.... I know it's got amaretto and chai in it, though, and not having coffee seemed a welcome change this week.

I make a lot of mistakes regarding food, one of them being that (God help me) I cannot resist a buffalo chicken calzone from Crow Point, even though I don't technically eat chicken. But this mistake was worse. Worse than even the AC Moore-flavored Abby Loves You Long Time. A few descriptive phrases came to mind:

"Tongue-scrapin' sweet."

"Soco Amaretto NO."

"Why must the trash can be full?! I need somewhere to put my drink..."

The J-Brands was like licking the inside of a cotton candy machine months after the carnival, when the fluff is gone and the hardened candy splatters have fermented. Scientifically, I don't think candy can ferment, but if it could it would taste like the J-Brands. It was this... warm syrupy thing that, perhaps, wanted to be cozy.... 'Twas about as good at "cozy" as Angry Frodo.

It just kind of slithered down my throat like a basilisk......

And then it killed me.

3 comments:

emily said...

See...this is what you get for taking my request for a review on the mint chocolate steamer. Even though I am sorry you had to endure what sounds like a terrible drink.

Stephanie Faris said...

That does sound awfully sweet. I don't drink coffee or tea...hot chocolate is the closest I get.

One Sassy Girl said...

Eek, sounds delightful and disgusting!!

 
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