A pirate's life for me

All right, dear readers. I know you are all forward-minded fashionistas, so I feel it is my duty to bring this exquisite design to your attention.


It was designed by my friend the Hippie and it's eligible to win ten grand, at which point you'll be able to sport this epic yet elegant pirate on your bosom for something in the vicinity of $20. But you gotta give it your love! Cast your vote in the next 24 hours!

By the way, in case you ever wondered what the Hippie looks like, the answer is, he looks like this pirate. Yeah, he's pretty much Johnny Depp and stuff.

Peace, love and 1.5 martinis,
Miss Rex

Scatterday: Things that are NOT on my Christmas list

Last week's Scatterday post featured things that don't exist but should. This week we're going to look at a few items that exist but definitely shouldn't.

You know your dedication to wearing Crocs year-round has gone too far when you need to buy these:


Crocs suck because:
5. They feel like they're made of condensed packing peanuts.
4. They therefore have no support at all...
3. ...yet somehow also fail to have flex.
2. They may be waterproof, but your feet will STILL get wet because your DUMB SHOES are full of HOLES.
1. They look like effing clown shoes - that is, if someone with a machine gun took offense at the feet of an impractically-shod clown.

Crocs are not winter shoes. Your dumb faux fur lining will do you no good in NEW ENGLAND, where the ground is almost perpetually covered in some degree or form of liquid, because YOUR DUMB SHOES STILL HAVE HOLES IN THEM.

Okay, moving right along. This next segment is dedicated to the most outrageous of all outrageous Twilight paraphernalia. My bottom three are:

3. The Mr. Cullen shower curtain (so you can start every day with getting naked in front of your favorite vampire):



2. Plush Bella's womb - I kid you not. Made with *real* felt and... is that... steel wool?! If not, it should be. Then you could use this item for what it really deserves to be used for: scrubbing the toilet bowl.



1. Last and least, we have the *SPARKLE DILDO!* You're supposed to put it in the fridge before you use it for an authentic experience. o_O



If you want to see more disturbing Twilight products, I just dare you to click that hyperlink....

Oh, and we mustn't forget this:

You see that? "ALL areas accessed!" Just in case you want to get more, ah, intimate than sticking his character's ice cold, glittery you-know-what, you-know-where.

If you're as visual a person as me, I'm sure you now have a very uncomfortable scene playing in your brain. And with that scene, I bid you adieu.

Adieu.

Scatterday

...in which Miss Rex shares random moments of amusement, frustration, and enlightenment from her week.

------------------------------

The other morning, a group of men were outside my window with what sounded like a jackhammer. Turned out they were drilling holes in the soil. Lots of them. As if the groundskeepers' perpetual mowing of our ten-foot strip of lawn wasn't noisy enough, now we got drillers, too.

------------------------------

This year I finally won Homecoming Queen! To win, all you have to do is win more spirit points than anybody else by dressing in spirit week attire from Monday through Thursday. Last year I had 289 points and didn't win, so I made grand plans to outdo myself.

Monday: wear attire bearing the school's name or logo.

I got 50 points that day. Meh. I could do better.

Tuesday: Tartan day - wear anything plaid, or remotely checkered/argyle/houndstooth, for points.

I got 67 points. Getting better. I thank my floor for this victory.

Wednesday: Wear your class color! Ours has historically been "rust red." No one knows what exactly that means - it's sort of an orangey color that no one actually owns, so we've always just worn red. But this year some of the spirit week ads said to wear red, and some said to wear orange. My simple solution was to wear both. Unfortunately I was on my own that night, so I haven't got any pictures. I got 126 points; use your imagination.

Thursday: 80s day. This was difficult because it was less about what you wore and more about how you wore it. Shirt off the shoulder. Bra over shirt. Jacket over bra. Mismatched earrings. I did it all, somehow, but the most fabulous part of my fantabulous get-up was the boom box I borrowed from my RA. I made an 80s mix and blasted it as I made my way across campus to get my points tallied.

It came out to 53.

Grand total: 298 (including bagpipe blitz points, which you earn by running to the mini-quad whenever you hear the bagpipes play.) Incidentally, that was 200 points more than the runner up (now I feel kind of bad). Apparently everyone else with spirit graduated or went abroad. I feel like it was an anticlimactic contest, even though I won.

But I DID get more points than the homecoming king! Nyaa

------------------------------

We had a variety show earlier. Boyfriend and I got there late and were really confused when the ushers asked us to take bags before sitting down. They were just brown paper lunch bags, filled with school paraphernalia, a program, and another, folded-up brown paper lunch bag. Umm.........kay?

But when some music majors took the stage for a round of "Piano Hero," all became clear. There were four of them playing the 1812 Overture on two grand pianos, and our brown paper bags were to be the cannons.

After popping them, we and everyone else in the balcony balled up the bags and catapulted them into the audience below us, shouting "CANNONBALLS!"

------------------------------

According to a local newspaper, some schools are now offering cash rewards for students who take AP classes. What total bullshit is that?! I had to pay EXTRA to take AP classes! I had to buy 20-pound college textbooks and pay exam fees come spring. Not that these kids won't have to pay for those things. It'll just get balanced out by what the school pays them to enroll.

You know what these classes will look like, don't you? Remember how my friends and I entertained ourselves during my AP English class? Teachers will have hordes of students who don't give a shit about the subject. They won't want to work hard. They won't care. The kids who actually want to learn, say, history or chemistry at an advanced level will suffer as the class is brought down to the level of those who are only in it for the money.

I know I'm an idealist, but I just think schools should be about learning, that's all.

------------------------------

How do blind people experience dreams? Do they have REM sleep? Are there images in their heads or is the dream world the same as the waking world for them - comprised of sounds, smells, sensations and flavors... without sight?

------------------------------

Note: Thanks to Cynthia@RunningWithLetters for letting me know my comment link was broken! It's all better now, so leave some love!

Costumes for the Zoo

08/05/09

I visited my good friend Jenniferin at school today since she'll be leaving the state soon and heaven knows when I'll see her again. We had dinner at Bugaboo Creek, which was no less delicious for the talking wildlife accosting us every few minutes. I kept yelling at them that I was gonna eat them next. That shut em up real good.

Then we went to the mall and made fun of fashions. We had such a grand time that I couldn't resist sharing some of our finds.


Hello Rainbow Brite.



I call this one Buffalo Stripes. Don't do it or I'll put you in a zoo, you animal.



Someone call Joseph. I found his amazing technicolor dream coat.



I call this one the Barf Boob Dress. There's just this nondescript mess cascading down the breastal area as if you simply could not hold down that blue raspberry slushie a second longer.



Ah yes. The modified yellow polka dot bikini, which she wore for the first time today. I'm not sure who "she" is but she should be fed to lions for wearing this.



Would you look at that! We've got a lion right here. Oh wait, that's just another hideous shirt that deserves to BURN.



Good thing we've got Moltres over here to light it up for us.



I mean really, at this rate, you might as well just wrap yourself in a picnic blanket and call it quits. What's that? They're charging money for that? Oh... why so they are.


Peace, love and Pokemon.
~ Miss Rex

Ban the tube top!

I just ordered these sexcellent new galoshes! I've spent way too much money today but I really do need new rainboots, it was a fabulous deal, and I mean, look at them:



Soooo.... I went to this Reel Big Fish concert with Ravin and The Pantsless One foreverrr ago and I'm finally getting around to blogging about it. Life's been that way. No time, busy busy busy. But in a good way. More on that later. Anyhow, the concert was great. The venue was awkward in a new-agey-meets-parent-of-a-kindergartener's-fridge sort of way. There were these weird paintings that looked like my campers could've done them, with nonexistent words painted clumsily across the page. A big oval plaque up front over the stage bore the image of what I'd say was a hand, but with three fingers and a curly thumb on each side; it read, "All is one. Who do you love?" Perhaps supposed to be endearing, like our "Home is where your Mom is" sign, but really it only managed to be unsettling. The ladies' room was circular, which also made me uncomfortable, and the coloring/lighting did not help my phobia of public restrooms.

The openers were good enough, but you know how it is when you don't know any of the songs and you're waiting for the main act to take the stage. When they finally did, I let the circles sweep me away. Somehow I hardly got bruised at all in the melee. Although I did get knocked to the ground during "Beer" and while down there, managed to trip another three or four people before someone pushed the crowd back and helped us up. I love it when moshers are kind and helpful. Ravin had a personal protector all night. He kept pulling her out of messes and saying things like, "you'll be safe now."

We had to leave before the encore because we thought we'd miss our train. But then we weren't sure where the station was and walked past it, at which point we encountered some random dudes who had a question for us.

"Hey, hey, can I ask you an honest question?" one of them asked in this brilliant accent that made us all melt a little more than we wanted to admit. "Does it look like I am wearing eyeliner?"

I was confused why he was talking to us and didn't manage to say anything, but finally Ravin or TPO was like, "no, no - you just have, uh, really dark eyelashes." So I nodded and agreed. Then they asked us to go to the Roxy with them and we were like ummm no. Then it was double awkward because we realized we'd passed the station and had to turn around and walk by them again.

Then, on the train, we befriended this one kid who was also at the show, and he was a sweetheart and didn't hit on any of us, which was great of him, because as soon as he left, two more guys came up to us with another question.

"Does he look drunk to you?" said the first guy, pointing to his friend.

I didn't particularly think so or care, so I was like "no, not at all... tra la la la la" and went about my business. But then, after me Ravin and TPO had a long and loud discussion about the Disney channel, they tried to get us to come for a ride in their limo (what? What is attractive/seductive about discussing the Disney channel?). We told them unless their limo had ice cream, we'd have to pass. Then we got in TPO's car and drove to Wendy's, where I got ice cream. The end!

Oh, but I did promise to explain why I've been so absent. Aside from work, my social life picked up and I've spent 80% of my waking hours (and a lot of my sleeping ones, too) at Ravin's and Boyfriend's houses. I've been swimming in Deluxebury countless times in the past two weeks (my poor gas tank, but well worth it anyway). Ravin's friend from school, Bear, who we befriended when he visited last summer, came for another visit and I basically moved in at Ravin's for the week he was there. But not as much as TPO, who literally moved in.

I have many a story about said visit, but it shall have to wait until my eyes no longer burn from staring at a computer screen and not sleeping in order to make this 30-second short I'm entering in a scholarship contest. I found out about it a week ago. Shot it this weekend. Captured yesterday. Rough cut done today. I mean business here; $5000 are on the line! I'm supposed to show how I'm saving money for college. It's allowed to be funny and creative. I hope that encompasses "fictional" because my concept is that I try to sell a few things we don't need and end up selling everything we own. So, final cut will hopefully be done tomorrow, which coincidentally is Boyfriend's birthday!! Yay, happy birthday!!!

And now this post is officially over.

Possums!

Today was a shopping extravaganza. I'll spare you the gory details. Suffice to say that my wallet lost a lot of blood... but it was not in vain, for I now have: a belt that matches the shapeless purple Miyazaki heroine dress I bought back at Halloween, a lovely button up shirt, flip flops that only cost $8 yet somehow are actually attractive, aaaand TWO FABULOUS SUMMER DRESSES! Bring on the sunshine, baby.

Also, Charlotte Russe played my favorite Cobra Starship song while we were in there. Hot.


Yes, we actually went to a thrift store. Yes, the clothes actually smelled like grandma's... unfortunately.

Isn't it interesting how the shape of something can determine how good it tastes? Pokemon shaped Kraft macaroni and cheese tastes way better than the little noodles. Conversely, Goldfish shaped like basketballs do not taste as good as the lil orange fishies. They just don't.

In like a lion, out like a freaking T-rex.

http://files.sharenator.com/letterstogod-s399x7673-942-580.jpg

I might not complain - well, no, I would still complain, but maybe less - if it weren't so durn cold out there. I wanna walk around in jeans and a t-shirt. I wanna wear pretty dresses with sandals. I've got this picture in my head - I don't know if I saw it somewhere or if I invented it - of a vintage-style dress in sort of a rosy/pale salmon color with a v-neck and maybe a couple little frilly things. So out of character for me, I know. But I want it.

Okay, okay, I'll stop dreaming about dresses and go study astronomy like a good girl. -_-

Technicolor girls

Twas the eve of Christmas eve, and all through the house..... echoed the strains of Amandasaurus's emo music... because no matter how hard I try to grow out of being scene and emo, I keep finding more emo bands that don't suck. Hard to believe, I know.

I also can't help drooling over all the scenester jewelry illuminating Claire's with its neon glory. I should not be allowed in that store. I should also not admit that I shop there, as it exists for the whims of obnoxious tweeney girls who are at least four years younger than me. BUT YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR NEON. Remember that.

I finished shopping today! I freaked out and called everyone asking what the flip I should get my boyfriend for Christmas, and they were like, "Well, just get him - ah - hmmm, you have a point; he IS hard to shop for...." And of course in the end I came up with an entirely different idea from what everyone suggested. Isn't that just like me?

As you may have guessed from the fact that I went shopping, I got my car out of the driveway and it's running fine. Aaand running into a lot of snowbanks because apparently I can't navigate around them.... I just know they must've had someone like me captaining the Titanic....

Anyhow, I bought some stuff and baked some stuff and bought some more stuff. My sister wants Uggs; she's been through at least as many pairs of those things as I've been through Chucks, and that's quite a lot. She knew no one in the family had the money for Uggs, though, and asked for an imitation instead, which was really good of her. But she wanted them to basically BE Uggs without actually bearing the logo. Walking around the mall yesterday, she found a reason to dislike EVERY pair of boots we presented to her. Well, tonight I found a really lovely cranberry red pair at Kohl's, and even though I generally think Uggs are hideously, irredeemably ugly... if she doesn't like this pair, I'm totally taking them for myself. XD

Well, I'm out for the night. I've been getting up early - like, before the hour hand reaches double digits.... In fact, I've been up before nine every day this week, and for me that is a feat indeed. Why do I put myself through this on vacation? you may ask. After all, I didn't get up this early when school was in session; why do you think I didn't make my chapel quota? Well. I've been working on my novel, which is way more exciting and epic than chapel (with the exception of that one chapel with the guy from Walden Media, and the one with that other guy who's getting me an agent.... and the one where that other other guy who was mostly blind referenced Harry Potter.)

-----------------------------------
As they all grow older the truth will be understood,
cause we never turn out the way we thought we would.

Spirited Away

Happy Plaid Day!
(checkers and paisley also qualify for spirit points!)

The first thing that happened today was Roomie hearing the bagpipes playing outside and me booking it to the mini-quad in my pajamas to get spirit points. There I found Spontaneous Concert Enthusiast, a.k.a. serial hugger, and Ben, my former Harry-Potter-loving partner in crime. Ben lent me all his plaid clothes and SCE and I made plans to swap plaid clothing at dinnertime so we could both get maximum spirit points.

Then Roomie painted my nails plaid and I colored checkers on my toenails. After that, the day pretty much proceeded normally except for my poetry class going to an orchard and not actually reading much poetry because we were too busy being [college] kids in an [organic] candy store. Mmm, cider donuts. =P And I bought hot pepper jelly to put on crackers with whipped cream cheese! I know that sounds bonkers, but it's delightful, I promise.

After the orchard, I got shirts from Dan and John and layered myself in plaid stuff. I also made sure to bring the sword I improvised out of a cardboard box I found in the recycling room last night (they said you get points for dressing up like Braveheart characters. I guess I should mention that we're pretty Scottish around here, hence the plaid, bagpipes, and Braveheart references.)

I couldn't fit any more shirts on my body, so I started tying them around my waist and neck. I had four pairs of pants, I think. I wore one of them on my head. SCE draped a few more shirts over me at the last second, and then the judges started counting. The sword was worth 75 points. I think I got like 130 total. HELLO, SOX TICKETS!

Except I just realized that most of my Go-Co attire is at home. BUMMER! Who wants to lend me their clothing tomorrow???

Art/Music/Justice

Re-cap of the Art/Music/Justice concert last night:
(Sandra McCracken, Derek Webb, Brandon Heath, Charlie Peacock, Sara Groves)

I was skeptical about this show from the beginning. As you know, I only bought tickets because CEC guilted me into it. In one respect, it was better than I'd hoped because a concert atmosphere is a concert atmosphere, and live music is live music (i.e. it's always better than listening to a recording).

But in other respects, it was no more than what I'd expected. It had that really family-focused feel to it. Maybe I've just gotten too used to the Vans Warped Tour and TAITV. Actually, I couldn't help chuckling a few times throughout the night that this show and the last/next one on my calendar were such POLAR opposites. Then I felt bad because they talked about sex trafficking, which is an issue that I really want to do something about, and on Friday I'm going to rock out while Cobra Starship sings, "prostitution is revolution/you can hate me until you pay me."

I guess one of the strangest parts for me was, I can't remember the last concert I went to where the primary goal was not simply to have a good time. There was just a weird dichotomy between the fact that it was a concert, but about a third of it was dedicated to the discussion of sobering issues, as well as a mini-sermon from Charlie Peacock. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I sort of expected it, based on the name of the tour. But it also seemed silly to spend so much time talking about coming to faith and battling injustice when most of the people attending the art/music/JUSTICE tour in the chapel of my Christian college were probably already Chrstians who cared about justice. It had the right emotional impact, but it's like, tell us what WE can do about these issues we're already aware of.

As far as the music went, well, most of the show wasn't my style, although there was something really endearing about Brandon Heath - maybe his nerdiness, maybe the band backing him, maybe the absence of the folk/country feel that characterized Sandra and Derek. But the concert was more or less three hours of artists singing songs that consisted mostly of religious vocabulary, which I hate in music. The name of Jesus has more impact when you don't use it every other word. I really appreciated when Charlie Peacock sang a song called "Kite in a Tree," a song whose imagery is so unexpected and really just marvelous in every way. It's still about faith, as are many of the songs and albums I love, but it addresses it in an unpredictable and stunningly beautiful way. That one song made the $8 I spent on the ticket and the three hours I invested last night worthwhile.

Also, this sort of goes without saying since it was in the chapel, but we sat in pews almost the entire time. I cannot passively sit and observe music, even music that's not my style. I've found that I will actually enjoy a show MORE if I get up and clap. Brandon Heath had us stand and clap for one song after the intermission, and it was the most enjoyable moment of the whole show. All I can say is I can't wait for Friday! No way will that be a passive audience.

On a completely unrelated topic, I'm so bummed! The purple washed out of my hair when I took a shower last night!! Isn't it supposed to be MORE permanent when you do it on bleached hair? Yet somehow, seemingly against all reason and logic of nature, the bleach also appears to have washed out. At least I don't have a random, ugly streak of yellow-blonde at the front of my head.

Jesus has a new face (again).

After I got my laptop fixed from the time I shut the power cord inside it, the webcam wasn't working. I brought it into the Apple store and the guy at the genius bar entered a code, which seemed to fix it. But then I got back to school and it wasn't working again. Three weeks later, I finally got around to making another appointment (which was a story all it's own... more on that in a minute.) Turns out the brand new display they installed was a dud, so the lappy has another new screen. Fortunately, this one was free of charge.

If I never properly explained why the lappy is named Jesus... it's because he got resurrected after 3 days in the Apple store ER that time I broke his face.

Sooo the story of making my appointment. I was out looking for Halloween costumes with Roomie and Schneckleface last night, and we stopped by the Apple store. I decided I'd just make an appointment to get the dumb webcam fixed so I could cross it off my to-do list. So when I made this appointment, I asked to borrow a pen to write the time on my hand. The guy who was helping me offered me a card to write it on, but I was like "nope. I'll lose that. Hopefully I won't lose my hand. If I don't come back tomorrow, it'll be because I don't have a hand anymore." And for some reason he found this utterly hilarious and begged me to come back. Then as we're leaving Roomie was all, "way to flirt with the Apple store guy...." Which made the whole thing ten times funnier.

The trip to the mall was otherwise a complete failure. Roomie did not find the jeans she wanted. None of us found costumes. I guess a Princess Mononoke outfit is kind of hard to find, even when you limit yourself to simply finding a shapeless purple dress on a clearance rack somewhere. By the time we left, poor Schneckleface was asleep on her feet. But when we went to Target to get drugs for Schneckleface's cold, I found this knit dress that was uber cute, besides being the perfect color and blah-shape for a Miyazaki heroine. It was a bit of a splurge - $30 - but it's serving many a purpose, one of those being to show off my sexytastic legs. XD

Then Schneckleface and I did our hair purple. I tried to bleach part of it first, since I was doing streaks instead of tips this time, but the blonde dye failed. I finally got the strand a shade lighter than it had been and put in the purple. It looks more blue than anything, and unless you look closely, it could totally be mistaken for dark brown. Which I guess is a good thing if I'm going to see my mother in the next month. Even though she's probs reading this. Hi, mom.

Oh, and I got to totally embarrass myself in the bathroom because Philmont, this amazing band from NC, asked fans to help them make a music video by singing along to one of their songs. But first, they asked that the fans prepare in some way - do their makeup, hair, stretch, drink an energy drink - so I filmed myself dyeing my hair, then I donned my headphones and proceeded to rock out all over the bathroom. I lip-synced the whole thing because by then it was past midnight and I didn't want to bother anybody, but this one girl came in while I was going nuts and I confused the heck out of her because she was already half asleep. And of course I couldn't stop to explain. I look pretty flippin special for about 90% of the video, which is unfortunate, but I'm gonna send it anyway and just pray that they use the 10% where I don't look like an r-tard.

Well, I should try and finish some homework before the Art/Music/Justice show tonight, which I'm only going to so that CEC will have money to book Philmont. Maybe I can just do homework DURING the show. It's not like anyone's gonna be dancing. I mean, there are pews. Not to mention people here are pretty conservative for students at a liberal arts college. Merh.

FIVE DAYS UNTIL COBRA STARSHIP!!!