Can Barack Obama save Christmas?

Time flies like an arrow (but fruit flies like a banana). I can't believe it's been a week and a half since I posted anything. It's that time of year: deadlines are crouching tigers/hidden dragons licking their chops at the prospect of a nice juicy comm arts major, the quad is a minefield of goose poop, and free time is harder to come by than a holographic Charizard card.

And it's getting cold.

Not THAT cold, mind you; most native New Englanders are gushing over how mild it's been. But I'm loading up on quilts; I can't make it through the day without oatmeal for breakfast, soup for lunch and Claymore Drink of the Week for dinner. I am positively dreading winter and it hasn't even snowed yet. It hasn't even been close to cold enough to snow. I'm usually not this miserable until February.

I wish I could say looking forward to Christmas is making things better, but I'm already sick of Christmas. I started finding holiday decor in stores well over a month ago while searching for my Cruella De Vil costume, and they've been playing the music in stores way too much for my liking.

Me getting sick of Christmas shouldn't be possible, period - especially not before Thanksgiving even gets here. It is my favorite season. You know I get all gaga over the lights and I become this uber-cheery version of my already-cheerful self and do nice things just because it's nice to be nice, and I throw on some Deck the Halls, Bruise Your Hand (Relient K) in the car so I can sing along or just laugh because Relient K is oh so silly.

It's just so wrong that we must celebrate this holiday for two whole months. It diminishes the magic of December to stock the shelves with red and green lights in the middle of October.

America should have a mass screening of Elmo Saves Christmas. Never seen it? Elmo loves Christmas so much that he wishes every day could be Christmas, but when his wish comes true, he sees that the holiday is nothing special when it happens every day.

THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING TO AMERICA, PEOPLE. Our demand for instant gratification has gotten so bad we can't even wait 365 days for a holiday to happen again. THIS IS WHY OUR COUNTRY IS GOING DOWN THE TUBES. There needs to be a law against this insanity. You hear me, Barack? You can do it, yes you can.

If you don't........

...........the magic of Christmas will be lost forever!


Monday - Thursday AM:I found this picture in Natalie Dee's archives while procrastinating on Monday. Unfortunately, matters did not improve until my deadlines had passed on Thursday.

And now a random plethora of silly stuff people have since my last post about silly stuff people said!!

Mnomanoms: I’m so black!

Natalie: Oh my God I am so sorry that I didn't come out and say hi earlier! I was sleeping, and then The Wizard of Oz was on, and then apparently I fell asleep again, and I'm really sorry but tomorrow when I'm sober I'll get to know you, I promise!! OK, so tell me your life story now.

Bear: Glitter cheese? Why?
Me: Because I wanted the giant squid to sparkle, and then I wanted to crush him with Wisconsin but the closest thing I could get was cheese.

Me: Best birthday card ever is now complete.
Jo-Yo: It’s not better than mine. But it was a nice attempt.
Me: Well… my card is slave free.
Jo-Yo: Well my card is slut free!

Why is my straight male friend asking me why guys like boobs???

Ravin: I grabbed your boob, woman, now where's your shoe?!

The Narcoleptic: I don’t like the little orange fish eggs. I mean…. You’re eating embryos. There’s abortion happening in my mouth right now.

Me: Natural selection favors ME!

Me: We can’t kill cows! They’re magnets!
Bear: Um what
Me: You heard me!

Friday - the foreseeable future:
Soooo is it safe to say I'm part of the exclusive club yet? After 29 hours I feel that my initiation must be complete....

Excavations of Claymore: Feel'n Nutty

Frankly I was feel'n a lil nutty even before drinking this thing, and the coffee sure didn't chill me out.

Feel'n Nutty featured hazelnut, almond and a lil vanilla. Form was not specified: is it a latte? a steamer? exotic chai blend? We weren't sure, but hazelnut implies coffee to me, so I asked for a latte - my usual one-shot large with skim. For the record, this is soon to become a one-shot large with soy. My reasons are another topic for another day. Maybe I'm just a lil nutty....

"It smells like Christmas cookies because of the almond," said Mnomanoms. "And it tastes like Werther's Originals!"

Feel'n Nutty was pretty good. I'd give it 3/5 stars, which is what I give songs on my iTunes when I like them but I don't want them on my Top Rated playlist. Like the scrap of paper bearing its name, the beverage was somewhat forgettable, though in a neutral rather than a negative way.

I can say that it was a harbinger of a surprising truth:

I like hazelnut!

I kept thinking my taste buds were forgiving the hazelnut through, like, substitutionary atonement by the other flavors. I felt this way about Nutella and Ferrero Rocher candies, too. It never occurred to me that maybe I just like the flavor of hazelnut.

"You're coming along quite nicely," said The Addict with an evil grimace. Actually, the grimace might have been related to her opinion of Feel'n Nutty. She frowned and tried to wipe the taste off her tongue with her lips. "Too sweet," she concluded.

Mnomanoms agreed with The Addict on that point: Feel'n Nutty is only good if you want something sweet.

Dumb things that have been said by and to me today

In my public speaking class:
Coach: I have a feeling.......
Me: That tonight's gonna be a good night?

Coming out of the library:
Me: Wow, it's cold! Oh, hi Derek, how are you?
Derek: Eh, pretty good. How are you?
Me: ....cold.

The Addict: My bed smells really good.
Me: Does it smell like a boy? One time last year my PJs smelled like a boy, and we couldn't figure out why because I had JUST washed them...
The Addict: Are you sure Angry Frodo didn't have access to your room? 'Oh, she wears these sometimes. So do I."

Walking down my hall, which for some reason was littered with yellow construction paper circles with money symbols drawn on them:
Me: Is someone having a treasure hunt?
Girl in the bathroom: No, I think Nicole and Carrie were doing a swine flu photo shoot.
Me: A swine flu photo shoot.
Girl: Yeah, and they were leprechauns and that was supposed to be their gold.
Oh. I see.

The Addict: We were supposed to go on this epic, puppy-getting road trip!

The Addict: You're adding me to your list of stupid things people have said today? How is that not insulting?
Me: Not stupid! I didn't say stupid. I said "dumb."

Scatterday which Miss Rex shares random moments of amusement, enlightenment and frustration from her week.


"I'm so black!" - Mnomanoms

"Why are my pants off, Jim?"
"Because of nation-wide nudity day!"

Mnomanoms: Bananas are such a classy fruit.
Me: How so?? I mean, they're shaped like....
Me: Well I'm just saying, I don't see anything classy about a food shaped like a penis.

Some guy after the Mae show - "I want to learn to cry on command. Just uncontrollably cry. I mean, control the beginning, but then just let it go."
Me: Well you should be a woman then.


Dancing glow stick skeleton men!


I've decided to invent a personal electric fence bubble. You can get it in varying radii depending on how far away you want Angry Frodo to stay. Basically you wear it around your waist, sort of like a deadly hula hoop, and it repels creepers. Great, huh? And then, if you come across a cute boy you want to schneckle with, you can just *vwoop* and it's gone!

It'll make millions!


You keepin' a Totoro in that Totaro?

That's what I thought.

Excavations of Claymore: J-Brands(?)

I think this week's drink is called the "J-Brands," but I can't be too sure that's what the card says.... I know it's got amaretto and chai in it, though, and not having coffee seemed a welcome change this week.

I make a lot of mistakes regarding food, one of them being that (God help me) I cannot resist a buffalo chicken calzone from Crow Point, even though I don't technically eat chicken. But this mistake was worse. Worse than even the AC Moore-flavored Abby Loves You Long Time. A few descriptive phrases came to mind:

"Tongue-scrapin' sweet."

"Soco Amaretto NO."

"Why must the trash can be full?! I need somewhere to put my drink..."

The J-Brands was like licking the inside of a cotton candy machine months after the carnival, when the fluff is gone and the hardened candy splatters have fermented. Scientifically, I don't think candy can ferment, but if it could it would taste like the J-Brands. It was this... warm syrupy thing that, perhaps, wanted to be cozy.... 'Twas about as good at "cozy" as Angry Frodo.

It just kind of slithered down my throat like a basilisk......

And then it killed me.

Just in case Mommy is a pedophile

A recent report from UK news source the Daily Mail says two playgrounds have banned parents from entering the premises with their children. This was done to protect the children, aged 5-15 years, from potential pedophiles. The children will play instead with strangers called "play rangers," who have been okayed by the Criminal Records Bureau.

I don't know about anyone else, but as for me, when I have kids I'm sure not sending them off to play with, or under the care of, grown-ups neither I nor they have ever met, regardless of what some bureau says about them. From what I've seen, being a mom or dad to a kid as young as five is like being a mother bear defending her cubs. It's the parents' duty and honor to care for the children. In their eyes, one else will ever do as good a job as they would do themselves.

I babysit regularly, and it's my policy to be actively involved in what the kids are doing. This is an ideal anyone who works with children should strive for. Rather than plunking them down in front of the television, engage their imaginations. Challenge them to be creative. Encourage them to be active. All of this is done by example. From my experience, kids will entertain themselves with or without my help, but at their age we can have such a huge impact on who they become, how they see the world, their attitudes and values. It's far better to be involved, and this involvement is a privilege to be enjoyed by parents or caretakers selected by the parents, not strangers. Entrusting a child's lifelong identity to a supervisor with a non-parental connection to her charges seems utterly counterintuitive.

There are smaller-scale problems with this policy, too. What happens when the kid gets a boo boo? If the UK is anything like America, mom and dad will be filing lawsuits against negligent "play rangers" or attentive ones who simply had too many charges to watch. Again, this is from observation only, but parents generally seem determined to place the blame for harm that comes to their "baby" on anyone but themselves. And in this case, anyone but themselves deserves the blame.

And what happens if the child has separation anxiety or is afraid of strangers? He just doesn't get to play? I'm over-simplifying here, since of course there are other playgrounds where parents could bring their shy children. However, if this rule expands to cover other playgrounds, an exclusive environment is the only possible outcome, making it close to impossible for less socially apt children to find a niche with their peers. We've all seen how quick kids are to exclude each other without adults' help; please, let's not make this problem any worse.

Critics say the policy is "Orwellian." I can't think of a better descriptor myself. England, skim the contents of Mr. Orwell's 1984 and you'll find that this really isn't somewhere you want to go.


Sorry I'm late on my Scatterday post AGAIN. I'm getting really bad at this blogging thing. In my defense, yesterday was Halloween. I am thrilled to announce that I did not find myself in the midst of any disasters or scandals this year! Freshman year I got stranded in Salem with some people I hardly knew and last year I accidentally hooked up with my friend. By comparison, this year was dull, but I'm glad for it. I hung out with some girls from my floor and my high school friend Wanda, who came back with me after I'd spent two nights at her apartment in the city. More on that soon at A Dustland Fairytale.


The costume party I planned was moderately successful. We went over to Rider to find some boys to come to our party. They were in the midst of costuming up to come over. The guy we talked to was dressed as an old granny and asked if any of us had oranges he could use as breasts. Amusingly enough, we did; all our food was in Halloween colors so we had oranges to spare.

We went back to Ferrin to let them finish up, but it was another hour before they arrived. When they did, they had a door with them. They made us knock on it, and when we did they opened it up and said "Aw, trick or treaters! Would you like some candy?" There were maybe three or four of them dressed as old people, and the funniest part was that they stayed in character the whole time. When people talked to them, they pretended to be deaf, and they used all sorts of old people idiosyncrasies that I forget because I'm not old enough to use them. I noticed one of them was wearing the same shade of lipstick as me, which was really upsetting because, as Cruella De Vil, I was wearing literally the brightest red they had at the store.

You see? Same color (I just did a better job putting mine on).


Episodes from this week:

I should have known my favorite person ever (a.k.a. Brian Glenney) would be lurking behind this door labeled "Evel Men."

I hope this makes you as happy as it made me!


That's all for today. I have many a task to complete, including two interviews for which I have prepared no questions beyond "What's your name/year/major?" D=
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