A Letter to Voldemort

Dear Voldemort:

Normally I would write to someone nicer about this (perhaps Albus Dumbledore or Sirius Black), but, well, first of all, you've had them both killed, but second (and more importantly), I feel that you have a special kind of expertise in the particular matter that concerns me.

I am speaking of the matter of sinuses. Since you, my dark liege, lack the protection afforded by a traditional protruding nose, I thought perhaps you would know of a spell or potion to combat discomfort or infection of the deep nasal passages. It has been a recurrent problem since the days of my youth; so recurrent, in fact, that I can pinpoint the day it will befall me before I even show symptoms. Precisely 365 days ago Monday, I was hospitalized for an especially brutal case of sinusitis. This Monday, I was forced to retire early by a sharp sinus headache and heavy congestion. I am sorry for the graphic description, although I'm sure my liege has seen worse in his decades of malevolence.

I know that you are very busy being evil, but if you get a chance, I would really appreciate your help in this matter.

Miss Rex


DL Hammons said...

Wait a minute! "Sex" drew you to my blog, but you were actually looking for respectable advice? What's wrong with this picture?? :P

I'm just glad I pulled you in at all. My best advice for increasing readership...visit a lot of blogs yourself and comment frequently. I'm not sure why your blog hasn't been showing up in my reader, but hopefully I've fixed that! I'll be back. :)

ThePantslessOne said...

I love this. And you.

Edward Fredericks said...

I think he will have some sort of spell, because I noticed that too... He has a rather peculiar nasal system going, not quite human... If he writes you back let me know what he says...

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