"I'm a good lesbian!"

True confession: even though I like to pretend I’m BA, at heart I am a bona fide goody two shoes. Yet the beginning-of-term hall meeting always fills me with a sense of dread, especially on the issue of visitation. Nothing ever changes (except that we’re now allowed opposite-sex guests on Thursdays), so why does it feel like the visitation laws get stricter every year?

Hours: 5-10PM Mon-Thurs
5-12AM Friday
1PM-12AM Saturday
1PM-10PM Sunday

There will be “no excessive public displays of affection” in the privacy of your room. This means, beyond clothes staying on, you may not kiss and you may not lie down together (commonly called “snuggling” or “spooning”). And they will know if you try to pull one over on them. Lights must be on. Door must be *fully* open.

However, you may have a guest of the same sex at any hour of any day. You may have the lights on or off, however you like ‘em. You may have the door open or closed – no one cares. And, you may snuggle or spoon as much as you like.

Doesn’t this seem a bit suspicious to you? I’m starting to suspect my school wants students to make the switch to lesbianism (or, conversely, gay…ism?). Last year they made a big deal about “understanding and accepting students who belong to the LGBT community” even though their lifestyle is “against the Bible.” We must “show them Christ’s love” and “not alienate them,” since school should be a “safe” environment for everybody.

Note, it does NOT have to be a “safe” environment for traditional male-female couples who, at our age and regardless of religious inclination, WILL become sexually frustrated if they are not allowed some small amount of physical affection with their significant others. Have you SEEN the pageants our male students put on? Good gravy!

I do not condone “liberated” mentality or “experimentation.” I’m not asking for sexy time in the dorms. I do, however, condone healthy physical relationships between committed couples. Why is that such a bad thing to so many Christians???

Okay, I wouldn’t care quite so much, except my boy is coming to visit for my birthday, and it would be great if we could make out even a teensy weensy little bit. So sue me.


Yankee Girl said...

I have no idea how you do it. No alone time? The door has to be open? I would switch schools. Or get an apartment. To me that is crazy.

You and your man deserve some alone time!

Melissa B. said...

I guess things are a little different than when I was in college. Have fun when the boy visits!

Mr. Paul said...

I will admit... that title scared the shit out of me but then I started reading, all set =)

Brijenieve said...

Meh, half that stuff is just so they can say they covered their butts if somebody gets knocked up and angry parents come banging down the Jud's door. Creatively arrange your room such that there is a good little snuggle/spooning corner... you'd have to do it so there's nothing major blocking the doorway, because that would look suspicious... but you're the creative type, so I think you'll figure something out. Beyond that, you can always be one of those sketch 'walk around the pond' couples, or, when it gets cold, there's a chapel in Frost no one goes in.

That being said, I think you should demand that certain hours be designated "sexy time".

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