Actually I'm not a very good lesbian.

Context: Visitation policy

I find it ironic and amusing (after all, the two are basically synonyms) that while the rest of my floor was in the RD's apartment last night, eating ice cream and celebrating that we knew school rules better than any of the other halls in my building, I was upstairs breaking lord knows how many rules in my room (and we're not even counting the upholstered furniture). Door shut while Boyfriend was there. Changing while Boyfriend was there. Oh the scandal. Except not, which is perhaps the greatest irony (or tragedy?) of all.

No no, I take it back. The greatest irony of all was that, for all the rules in place around here, we still stumbled upon a couple hooking up in the woods not ten yards from the beginning of the path, in plain view of the Go-Po if they had chanced to look. Oh, so that's what Carrie meant by "sketchy, walk-around-the-pond couples." It's funny because when Boyfriend and I "walk around the pond," we actually just walk around the pond.

I knew things had gone too far when it came time for Boyfriend to go home and I walked him out to his car. We bantered a little bit and he kept giving me raspberries, but ultimately we kissed good night. That was when the Go-Po showed up with a flashing-blue-light local police escort.

Excuses were already racing through my mind. Semantics: it wasn't an "excessive public display of affection," as no one else was there and it was dark, thus making said display of affection not public. Nor was it excessive in any way (except for the volume of Boyfriend's raspberries). I thought we had a pretty good case.

But the cars parked a little ways away from us and the officers started talking to someone on the other side of the lot, clearly not interested or even aware of our supposed transgressions in the nearby shadows. There didn't appear to be any sort of problem that would necessitate the flashing lights. I tend to forget that turning on those gaudy beams is probably the pinnacle of excitement for an officer on a regular shift around here. You do your thing, bro.