New poetry: Existentialover

Existentialover

They jumped the gun
and lit the furnace in the woods some
eight weeks ago. The wind lifted paper flames
up to the butter-pat moon and it was
beautiful, watching everything die like that.
And there you were, waiting, ensconced
in the willow branches’ orange cave like you knew
someone was coming while the meteors
diffused overhead.

So is this the end of the world, or do we
finally carry on? Hope is an ever-rising
phoenix: and there I was
to witness the Caesarean section
birth of a thing
that was, perhaps, less than ready
to swallow the cold, hard nitrogen
left over when the fire
burnt out. Well, at least the sun is out, but
it’s awful cold for Halloween.

-------

Please comment! Ask questions, make me think about why I made the choices I did. Ask me about line breaks, word choice, whatever. Oh, and for the sake of argument, the last line was originally repetition of the first line; would it be better if I put that back in? I don't want it to seem like it's about Halloween, so maybe I just shouldn't mention the holiday at all.

5 comments:

saraphimiscool said...

Don't make Halloween be the first sentence if you don't want people thinking that's what it's about. but i think it adds a funny little twist at the end. Swallowing cold hard nitrogen is strange imagery too. Solid nitrogen has GOT to be cold. C:

I'm not gonna lie, this is a weird one. i don't really know what you're talking about. especially since the second stanza is 3 sentences and you have all sorts of strange metaphors. but i like it. i can tell you put some work in it.

i think it's sad that i'm your first comment and you've had this posted for five days already. i know how it feels though...i like blog comments. not like i blog anymore though. C:

Douglas Bessette said...

I liked it.. a little bit of a sad undertone with a dash of mystery and mayham..:-0

heavealie said...

this poem had its moments in parts!!if you read it like different events it would make sense but altogether i was unable to find the true meaning behind this poem."it was beautiful,watching everything die like that"was a beautiful line.sometimes i write explanations beneath my poems coz a lot of times people are unaware of the true idea behind the poem.if you could plz add an explanation of this poem it would be wonderful!!glad to find your blog.keep writing.

Amandasaurus said...

In general I believe that a poem should speak for itself. Meaning comes only partly from the writer; the other part comes from the reader. So first I must say that it means what it means to you. But there was a specific incident that inspired this.

Last fall, everything died pretty early. Spectacularly, as always in New England, but it was a quick flash of brilliance and then - death. I knew there was a poem in that, but I knew too that there was more to the poem than fall coming early.

Then along came this guy. He was a friend of mine, but there was something there that suggested we might become more. I wasn't so sure I wanted to, though I hadn't written off the possibility. But then we messed around one night and that sort of killed it for me. I had a lot of guilt over it and to me it seemed like the end of the world.

I realized that was the other piece to the poem. While everything else was dying, we had had a chance at figuratively coming to life - but in the end, it was too soon for anything like that to happen between us. The romance, if you will, was premature (hence the Caesarean section image). Instead of being in love, I was just.... cold.

Hope it makes a little more sense now! Thanks for asking, heavealie!

heavealie said...

ohh this explanation makes a whole lot of sense to me now and the whole idea of the poem also looks clear!!thx for the explanation and also for taking the time to read my blog!!i appreciate your advice and i would definitely work on my shortcomings and i would try to improve as much as possible!!glad to follow your blog!!keep writing!!

 
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